I once heard,”Starting over, in theory, is simple. You put the past behind you and begin again. But it’s not as easy as it sounds. Moving on means letting things go. Things that are easy, safe, familiar, things that matter.” -Anonymous
There are a lot of amazing things about traveling solo and having the career that I do, but sometimes it is not as marvelous as you see on social media, or hear about from a friend of a friend. The good stuff; I get to go where I want, when I want, with whom I want (give or take a few days here and there). I get to FINALLY make enough money to start saving towards my goals. I have 4/7 days off a week meaning that I get to explore and try new things, or sleep for an entire day…depending on the week and the weather. I am constantly meeting new people, which has been complicated by COVID a bit but Im learning to navigate social distance interactions. I get to stay in cool places! For example, I am headed to Georgia next for a short term contract. Ive decided to live in a hotel! Should be interesting to say the least. Most importantly, I get to try all of the new foods form all of the new places.
What did I have for dinner last night you ask?
Why of course! Im happy to share. I enjoyed a cup of leftover steamed broccoli from Red Robin, a cup of tomato soup from a box I’ve been saving for who knows how long, and a Hilshire snack tray from the local liquor store. Not exciting by any means, and not an example of the local cuisine but sometimes this happens after a long day at work.
Travel nursing is not all glorious road trips and exploration of new amazing places. It is not always exciting interactions with shiny new people in shiny new hospitals. It is eating when you can, where you can. It is learning how to live without the comforts of home including the most basic things that you never think of until they are gone. It’s about showing up early and putting in the work even before you clock in. It is about learning how in interact with your new coworkers, who you have been forced upon (wanted or not), constantly wondering if you’re following the current hospitals protocols and procedures, and trying to not be afraid when you have to ask for help. It’s about taking shit from the doctors because they think you’re a moron because you “don’t know how it’s done” but in reality you haven’t thad a minute to breathe because you’ve been on yo unit for 3 days with no real orientation. Travel nursing means learning how to become less materialistic and dependent on objects and people, and more about what figuring out what is important to you. I mean at some point you realize that you can only fit so much in your Nissan Xterra no matter how hard you try.
I had a moment tonight while I was in the shower after my shift. I was thinking about how I am about to be 30 years old (WHAT THE HOLY FUCK) and how I wished I was in better shape. I was feeling alone and far away from those that I loved. I got stuck on how Im not where I thought I would be at this age and I really started to get down on myself. I thought about my nursing skill set and how I am not improving and increasing my skills, but instead I am remaining on the same types of floors doing the same kind of work. Then the internal dialogue became a whole other monster. I imagined what it is going to be like when I go to Idaho to visit my brother after this contract snd how he is going to be disappointed in me for not being in better physical shape. My family has always been really skinny and fit, and I have too until nursing became a part of my life. I almost had to slap myself to get myself out of that toxic thought process.
Like I mean physically SLAP myself.
So instead of getting consumed by my internal shaming process I decided to name everything I have accomplished in the last year +. I graduated from nursing school, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done by the way. I scored a great nurse residency program. I won awards for my nursing care. I held the hands of dying men and women when their families couldn’t. I finally became okay with being by myself and being out of a relationship. I reached out to mental health services to treat anxiety that I have been struggling with for years. I paid off most of my debts (still waiting on that student loan forgiveness, fingers crossed) and became a fully functioning financially independent person. I chased my dream of becoming a travel nurse until my dream became a reality. I was strong enough to leave everyone I know and love behind to venture off in to the unknown of this new career path. These are just the things I can think if here and now. Afterwards I decided that I am damn near impressive. This shit has been hard and I have had to make a lot of compromise. I have learned A LOT from everyone around me. I have become a critical thinking machine. Doctors thank me all of the time for my attention to detail and nursing skill set. Travel nursing has its goods and its bads but overall I stand behind my decision to switch up my regular lifestyle for something more exciting in every aspect.
That is all for todays word vomit of a post! Continue to follow for more updates!
